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I was born with a last name
and all the expectations that
came with it
from birth, I was crafted
to be an origami swan
to have perfectly folded edges
to exist on a shelf
to be looked at from a distance
to appear complete
to live precisely
I tried to live that way
~ I swear I did
for so so so long
I would resist the urge to
let go of the form
I was told to live by
they said my happiness
would be directly tied to how
impeccably I held my shape
they said that if I could show
any blemishes or faults if I
wanted to be honored
even during the days
when I could feel the
geometry inside of me
start to become wild poetry
I stayed as folded
as I could
despite the growing
sound of crinkling paper
coming from inside of my
loose leaf heart
~ I clung to my folds
one morning
- not too long ago
I woke up and I noticed that my perfectly
shaped swan wings had a wrinkle in it
I tried to hide my imperfection
from the world by only letting
people see my good side
my faultless side
my seamless side
a short while later I noticed
that my other wing had lost
its tight fold and was curling outward
I was coming
undone and unfolded
right in front of the world
the rest of me
started falling
apart soon after
within a short time
I no longer looked
like a perfect swan
I had become a flattened out piece
of paper with more crows-feet
creases in my form than I could count
eventually, a breeze came
and took me off of my shelf
and carried me out of the window
into the untamed wild
it was that moment
when I was my most unfurled self
that I called out to God
“where are my perfect folds?
where have my straight lines gone?”
I asked the empty sky
God spouted out of the ground
next to me in the form of a wildflower
“they are gone, my love,
all those things you once
thought you were are now gone”
I cried
“why are you crying?” God asked while stretching out above me with flower petals of at least a half-dozen colors that had never seen before from the safe shelf I had lived most of my life from.
“because without my folds and lines that I was given I have no purpose,” I sobbed. “Without my hard edges and defined creases I don’t know who I am anymore.”
“I do,” God said while exploding into an Easter bloom.
I held my breath.
“You finally get to be you. You are now an untouched canvas who decides what it gets to be marked with. You are lucky enough to be a piece of blank paper that gets to choose what is written on it. You get to be a selection of art that you get to help create. You are now able to leave behind the expectations this world has for you to be perfect - and now you get to become whatever you want to be.”
God was now a towering wildflower that was riding up to kiss the sun.
“Oh,” I replied while looking at myself with new eyes.
Instead of being tightly bound together, I was now an outstretched creation. Instead of being a perfect sculpture, I was an open hand.
“What now?” I asked the wildflower of God.
“What now?” God laughed. “Anything. Everything. It’s all in front of you. It’s all adventure from here.”
Suddenly a gust of wind picked me up
again and started carrying me to the horizon.
Even though I had been a swan my whole life the first time I ever flew was when I lost my wings.
I smiled.
What an adventure it is to come undone.
